Difficult circumstances challenge our faith, our emotions, and cause us to question whether or not we can survive the trials marriage and a relationship brings. It is these difficult times that require us to dig deeper into our foundational truths and work harder than ever before. At the same time, we need to pray and duck-which is to pray and get out of the way so that God can be at work to meet the basic needs for wives and husbands so that growth and change can occur.
When your husband’s temptations and struggles affect the very core of your relationship, you undoubtedly have many unanswered questions. Your impulses may be to make sharp sudden moves. These are natural reactions, however let us challenge you to apply these five key steps that will help you stay focused and will help to bring balance and hopefully healing to your current situation.
Five Tips for Wives:
#1 Always remember that this is not about you. Your husband’s current battle involves you and affects you, but it is not about you. He is not struggling because you are a bad wife or don’t give him what he wants or needs. It may feel like you are at fault, but it is not you.
#2 Remember that people in harmful patterns in their lives are always suffering. Right now you may feel angry, hurt, confused and frustrated. But if you can find a way to focus on the fact that your husband is suffering, you will be more able to tap into your compassion and respond in a Godly manner.
#3 It’s time to empathize. Remember that Jesus always had compassion for people in their suffering. He pointed out that we should not condemn others for their struggles, yet instead be reminded of our own. Take this time for self-improvement and ask God to help you in your own area of weakness to help you avoid judgementalism and self-righteousness.
#4 You can’t control him, but you can influence him.
The knee-jerk reaction might be to step in and control every situation your husband is in to make sure that he avoids all the areas that cause him to stumble. This could prove toxic to your relationship and slow or even reverse the progress your husband is making. Your husband needs to learn to take control of his own thoughts and temptations and learn to overcome them, which only comes with a great support system. This will happen when you walk along side of him and support him as he gets to the root of the problem. How do you love an unbelieving spouse? You love and serve him the way that Jesus served others. The principle holds true in this case as well.
#5 There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, husband or wife. We all have things we can work on. Do your own work on growing through your grieving. When one person begins to grow in a relationship the marriage automatically grows. It takes time, but in serving each other and meeting each other’s needs your relationship will begin to thrive.