Recently, a young fellow follower of Jesus at “The Well” young adults group asked me “(what are some) wounds sex can cause – (& how are we to be) overcoming them – (so we can be) feeling free to be pure and truly who you’re are created to be?” and here was my reply:
Sex per se cannot cause wounds in and of itself when its something in its purest form and according to God’s design: a man and a women in a covenantal relationship we call “marriage” who are giving themselves to each other via self-donation where the other’s wants and needs are being put before their own. When a sexual act can cause a wound is when we act in any way outside of God’s intent just like life in general…our mistakes can hurt us in every facet of life in many different ways whether we are aware of those consequences, oblivious to them accepting of them, denying them or otherwise.
Overcoming wounds is always a process that involves 3 key ingredients: time, truth and grace. The sanctification process therein or the process of getting “made holy” or ‘cleaned up’ is one that requires attention and balance in all three planes of our human existence: “Body, Soul & Spirit,” according the 1 Thess 5:23. So, we need self-care and repair Bodily or physically and physiologically, Soulishly or mentally, emotionally and relationally and of course Spiritually, which is more than just vertically between each of us and God, but just as much horizontally between each of us and each other (read: being “Jesus with skin on” for one another interdependently and mutually).
The “feeling free to be pure and truly who you’re are created to be” part has to do with boundaries and limits out of respect and love of God and the way He lovingly and wisely designed us to operate: when we look at his word and the testimony and guidance of the other brothers and sisters around us, both older, same age peers and even younger believers as our teachers and as ourselves theirs, giving back to them the same in kind, we develop healthier life patterns within which to exist freely, fully & fruitfully and these act as a protection for us.
Its just like a fence as a natural or physical boundary: when you know where the limit of your yard is, you have the freedom to enjoy all that space on your side of the fence! And if the yard feels too small and we want something bigger for our heart to enjoy, we do the work, investing diligently in that dream and then when we have enough to afford a bigger space, we buy that and build another fence. So, I hope you enjoy rolling around in the soft, green grass in your mind as you envision yourself relishing in the freedom and benefits hard work and pursuing purity/integrity provide.
But remember, purity doesn’t mean perfection! Integrity means being integrated in your life, actions and habits with your values and principles and one of our principles as followers of Jesus is the process repentance, forgiveness, receiving grace andrestoration when we’ve made a mistake or discover a pattern thereof because “he remembers our mistakes NO MORE” and “they are as far as the east is from the west!” -Rev. Jayson Graves, M.MFT